Where did 35 years go?

People always say time flies, especially the older you get. Well, time is flying and somehow, I will be 35 tomorrow. Wasn't I just 16 waiting to drive? Wasn't I just counting the days until I could go out to the bars?  Didn't I just have my 30th birthday? How is it that 35 years have passed me by? I had kind of a hard time when I turned 30, and I didn't think much about 35 until today. Today was an all around kind of a crap day. Bryan is out of town so I thought wahoo! I get to sleep in. What happens? Mickey starts barking at 6:30 a.m. then what I thought was our smoke detector started going off. I took it apart, changed the battery-no luck. Still loud beeping. I took the battery out, so I thought that would solve the problem. Well, it is connected through wires to the house so I had to unhook the wires. STILL beeping. I swore it was possessed. Turns out I am an idiot and it was the carbon monoxide detector beeping. After all that, all I had to do was unplug something.

Since I was awake, I texted my hair gal to say she could come early if she wanted. She did, and after she did my hair there was a big chunk of white blonde. It looked strange. She redid the piece, which then lead us to more pieces that needed to be redone. It took a long time. Oh well, it is done.

I have been in a crafty mode lately thanks to Pinterest and decided I needed to spray paint something. I was warned it would be addicting but it was fun to try something different and something I could say, yep, I painted that....with a can. I had bought two frames I loved at Hobby Lobby. They were perfect, but I bought them at different times so the paint color on them did not look like they were the same, even if they were supposed to be. They had been on my mantle for months, with the pictures of random people in them. It bugged me everyday so I decided to do something about it. Well, being the impatient person that I am, did I let them dry between coats? Nope. Did I pick them up before they were dry? Yep. Did this totally jack them up? Yep. One was so bad I had to go buy another one yesterday. While I was doing these frames, I thought why not do the other frames I got on clearance and make them black? Simple enough right? Uh, no. The amount of time and money I have spent on this project is ridiculous. I could have gone out and bought new frames. I thought I was being frugal, but with primer, then spray paint, then a top coat, that right there is $15. Then the time I have used to do this is insane. But hopefully they will turn out nice and I can finally put pictures in them and up on the mantle.

Tonight I decided to get out the Halloween decorations and well, I realized I have some serious fugly stuff. Some is cute, but the cute stuff is something I bought last year. The other stuff probably needs to go. So not my style. I have so many ideas, and I bought a ridiculous amount of vinyl for the Cricut but have I opened the box of it yet? Nope. Have I used any of the crap I buy? Not really. Unless it is spray paint. That goes so fast....kind of like time.

Back to my original topic of my birthday being tomorrow (which also happens to be Mexico's Independence Day). It sucks that I will be 35 and my husband is 32. He sees it as not a big deal, but he already has two kids. He bought a house. He has a great job. I am kind of stuck. I am not afraid to admit I am in therapy. I love my therapist but she kind of broke up with me yesterday. We will see what happens with that. So many people are in this funk lately. People are unhappy in their marriages, people are questioning their lives. I am one who is questioning my life too. I had goals of getting married and being a stay at home mom. Now that I am those things, what now? What ultimate goal do I have? I am in a state of indifference. I am kind of numb to everything. I guess that is better than being sad all the time like I was years ago. I know I have a good life and three men (and a cute puppy) who love me. I have a fantastic family. I am blessed in so many ways, but I keep waiting for the next big thing. They say life is not a dress rehearsal-I just wish I could live that way. This entry is taking a different turn than I expected. I guess I will continue to ramble.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. There are no big plans, and a huge problem I have with life is I always have expectations of how things "should" be. My therapist told me there are no "shoulds' in life-it is what it is. Nothing "should" be a certain way but I have expectations and with expectations comes disappointment. I know 35 is just another birthday, but to me it is huge. I am super excited to go to Disneyland next weekend so I need to focus on that. Bryan asked me what I wanted to do tomorrow-I don't know. I am just another person, and birthdays do happen every year, but I want to have an awesome day and do something fun, but I have no idea what. I miss the days of birthday parties, getting things in the mail, getting presents. So far, I have got one card (thanks Mom and Dad!) but that is it. Torrin thinks it is his birthday tomorrow. He expects to get presents. He is going to be bummed.

The rest of today kind of sucked. Man I am all over the place. I vacuumed the whole house, cleaned the downstairs guest room and bathroom since we had a friend staying with us, cleaned the boys bathroom, did laundry, changed some sheets, cleaned out my sock drawer and some other drawers, and got through some things in my closet. I hung new curtains which are still far too short but the next size up is way too big. The lights in our closet went out, the frames got even more jacked, etc. I know these are all simple, stupid things but I was already bummed that I was turning 35 tomorrow. Oh and I read how much fertility rates go down after you turn 35. Fantastic. Man I am crabby.

Well, Bryan will be landing soon-I really need to update this more. Life is crazy with kids. There is something almost every night. I know I have neglected friendships and that people are mad at me which sucks, but I don't know how to fit everything in. Monday nights we have swimming, Tuesdays will be basketball, Thursday is Cub Scouts and Saturdays are more basketball. I volunteer on Tuesdays and I have to clean this big house. This weekend we have a Cub Scout thing on Saturday morning, then a party Saturday afternoon, then 2 birthday parties on Sunday which means I had to cancel on the Bunco group that just added me to the group. I am already disappointing people who just asked me to be part of their group. So frustrating.

This crabby 34 year old is signing off. It is my birthday on the east coast. I don't think I was born until 3:30 though or somewhere around there, so I have at least 14 more hours of being 34, right?